this is my rhythm of love ♥

crazy night at work

2011-03-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

work was tough

but it will all pay off when the money starts rolling in

hen's night was something new to me

never really expect it to really be like the movies

burlesque dancing & male strippers

was put in a position that was really uncomfortable

when the naked men flashed he's privates in front of my face

waving it around like there was no tomoro

but anyways

i love my job

it was good fun and good money

besides, this way i'll know never to let my girlfriends run my hen's night

because it will definitely start with a drink

and end with a hang over the next

something to look forward to in life

spending the rest of my life with my baby

quote the bride Clair

"we will be together and celebrating this years birthday, the next and the next and until our 99th birthday together"

the bride and her crazy night

new layout; new stories

2011-03-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

another boring saturday

kinda wish someone would ask me out to the beach

lovely weather with the tops of 30degrees today

keep missing my baby

wanted to drive over to see him

but work starts at 4 pm :(

well..

not quite a boring saturday night thou

going to work

but fun work with a client/friend

hen's night

where she is hoping to get laid by a stripper?

anyhow I should be getting back to studying

hope tonight goes on well

baby I miss you

xoxo

what happened to our super super GoOfY ?

2011-03-17T01:53:00.000-07:00

"there are so many better girls out there, but i chose you"

shirley : dear heart; you are good enough ..

shirley's heart: who are you kidding?!! you're a joke !

I am my own world

2010-12-18T15:35:00.001-08:00

just like alice in wonderland

misunderstood and judged

what i see and what i do speaks for itself about me

i don't have to prove anything to anyone

or explain

haters

no one told you to look or respond to whtever i

say or do

if you have any dislikes

come to me personally thou there is no

necessity but if it makes you feel better to know wht the hell i am talking about

then sure thing .. come away with your negativity and sarcasm

but might i ask .. you need a life much ?

What did you expect me to do in my free time

when all i can do when you are gone is fb

but now that you took that privilege away

thanks!

and of all people , i expected least from you

WELCOME back by the way

with love,

"ATTENTION SEEKER with 879 friends"

hold my hand&make it alright

2010-12-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

wake up from a half an hour sleep to find my heart in pain
so tired of fear
so tired of doubt
so tired of the world

woke up this morning
sick and bitter
and wished i never existed

maybe i should just go .

4 am this morning I feel

2010-12-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

broken.

I'm only me when I'm with you

2010-12-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

almost a week now without you by my side

and to realise that im not me without you

come home(to where i am) soon

so i can find myself smiling and giggling again

because of you

i miss you

_____________________________________

Friday night beneath the stars

In a field behid your yard
You and I are painting pictures in the sky

But sometimes we don't say a thing
Just listen to the crickets sing
Everything I need

And I know everything about you
I don't wanna live without you

And I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well it drives me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl
Living in a crazy world
Trying to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears
My secrets or my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything thing about me
You say that you can't live without me

And I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well it drives me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

When I'm with anybody else
It's so hard to be myself
And only you cant tell

And I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well it drives me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to let you know
That what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

With you
Oh oh oh
Yeah

future baby jack

2010-10-17T18:57:00.000-07:00

been planning so long to get my pooch

so promised myself to make this commitment

saving up everyday of the week to get my own labrador

ord have the name in my head

BABY JACK

build up a checklist and save up for emergency money

so he could get an awesome canal

bed and insurance

heaps excited

love .

2010-10-14T22:43:00.000-07:00

On my wedding day I carried my wife in my arms.

The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My

buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my

arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then

plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure

water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to

make more money. When the assets were steadily

increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.

She was a civil servant.

Every morning we left home together and got home

almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a

boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the

calm life was more likely to be affected by

unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew

hugged me from behind. My heart once again was

immersed in her stream of love. This

was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws

girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my

wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like

you, once successful, will be very attractive to

girls."

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I

had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select

some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the

company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had

promised her to go and see with her. At the moment,

the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although

it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife

about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her,

she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good

wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I

was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready

soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging

before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.

This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose

we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a

few seconds without a word.

Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something

too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she

would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped

out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a

sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while

talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint.

She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some

hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her,

O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could

not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.

"I've got something to tell you," I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the

hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had

to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to

divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words,

instead she asked me softly, "why?". "I'm serious." I

avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her

angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at

me, "you are not a man!".

At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was

weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had

happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her

a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to

Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce

agreement which stated that she could own our house,

our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt

a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten

years with me would become a stranger one day. But I

could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was

what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually

a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had

obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and

clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my

clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I

fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was

still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want

anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one

month's time before divorce, and in the month's time

we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason

was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a

month later and she didn't want him to see our

marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then

asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I

entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"

This question suddenly brought back all those

wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I

remember". "You carried me in your arms", she

continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you

carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.

From now to the end of this month, you must carry me

out from the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet

days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic

form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She

laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter

what tricks she does, she has to face the result of

divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less

made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my

divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even

treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried

her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in

his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From

the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I

walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed

her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today,

don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.

I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for

bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.

She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could

smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I

hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a

long time. I found she was not young any more. There

were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside

garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass

there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to

feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was

holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of

Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me

something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I

should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The

sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the

everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It

seems not difficult to carry you now."

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry

her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a

suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have

grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that

it was because she was thinner that I could carry her

more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she

had buried all the bitterness in her heart.

Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I

reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to

carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father

carrying his mother out had been an essential part of

his life. She gestured our son to come closer and

hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was

afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I

held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through

the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded

my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly,

as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much

lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could

hardly move a step.

Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope

you will hold me in your arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't

notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the

door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my

decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I

said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm

serious."

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my

forehead. "You got no fever." She said. I moved her

hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only

say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life

was boring probably because she and I didn't value the

details of life, not because we didn't love each other

any more. Now I understand that since I carried her

into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am

supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say

sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud

slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I

walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a

bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The

salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the

card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every

morning until we are old."

self-conscious

2010-10-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

not pretty enough; not smart enough; not talented enough

all these nots are bringing me down lately

at the point where i cant take it anymore

why should i even compare

i won't win anyways

how can i help myself understand tht

i've won ord

since the beginning

question is

how do i know if i ord won he's heart to begin with ?

so back to where i started

not pretty enough; not smart enough; not talented enough

why so serious ?

2010-10-07T06:23:00.001-07:00

well there you go .. vanity/try hard which also translates into insecurity ..

all this insecurity have got to go

why should i try so hard to take self taken photos because i feel the need

to look better than "her"?

it isn't fair how hard i try to look oft and girly

i still end up with this ; for the record

i also tried on the ring because its so unfair how i can't fit mine perfectly

and she could

boyish looking chick with masculine built

also with no touch of girliness in there

trust me

for even ridicule stuff

is when i try to put on make up and photograpgh myself

who am i kidding ?

i am no pretty women walking down the street

uggghhh .. honestly

i am running out of idea wht i want to do with myself ..

decided id rather wear the ring around my neck rather than losing it somewhere which will

be more of a pain in the butt later on ..

if i had one wish ..

i wish i could tell her off personally.. to be off my man

i am no beautiful girl ..

following a rainbow x

2010-10-04T06:40:00.001-07:00

like the puzzle piece

we match baby

i love you

oMg

2010-10-01T05:23:00.001-07:00

sooo uhh?

i got bored and decided to be vain :p

anyways

today is day 3

i havent seen him since.. sincee

tuesday , but it ord felt like 1000 years

patience shirley

TUESDAY is comin ...

i miss him

fate

2010-09-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

fuck life and all its philosophical chanllenges

the so called challenges that are supposed to make me a greater person

i never signed up for life

i never signed up for love

it never matter to me when nobody loved or cared about me

until YOU came along and made me feel special

like i deserved it all

screw you life

screw you world

you must be laughing at me

for breaking down like this because you think i can't beat you

well guess wht

i LOSE !

even the only person that matters to me don't believe that we can make it thru all the shit you throw at us

FUCK you for taking the one last thing that even matters in my life

just a dream x

2010-09-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

today marks the beginning

of all the obstacles you and i both have to overcome

like every other relationship tht goes a distance

baby you are my everything

&i want the world to know

you're not just a dream to me

you are real

its only been a few hours since you left

but not hearing from you is so hard

i feel like breaking down and cry

i miss you

&i am so afraid of whts to come

i dont want to lose you because of the things that

someone you might've respect very much tells you to leave me

this isn't a dream is it ..

you got me x

2010-09-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

with love

2010-09-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

sitting here with my new laptop

surounded by millions of journal articles

which i am supposed to be doin research on

but somehow i cant' be bothered to do it

but i will get to it tonight because its due in another week ^^

plussss what is funner than just blogging :p

NOT

to do list today:-

get started with assignment
help mom in the city
SLEEP

on second thought scrap all of that .. sleeping is goin on top of the list

*guilty .... hahaha

2010-09-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

love is crazy; it is because i am crazy about you

fights causes every relationships to crash and burn

sometimes it helps things get better

but i dont think this one helped at all

from here it looks like an arrow hitting rock bottom from the top of this graph

well how can things get better when it can only get worst

especially when he's mom arrives...

not allowed to call him, text him or see him

unless he initiated

that will drive me crazy

are we going to get there?

even right now? i feel you drifting away from me..

breaking an entry

2010-08-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

short update from my phone :s

house broke in to
Fought with bf
Cannot sleep because feel unsafe..

Looking for comfort
But no one to talk to...
Feeling more alone than ever now..
Is this karma?

sometimes i dream of you

2010-07-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

you know sometimes when you let loose and just dont bother

you feel a lot more relaxed

i guess things went ok with baby over there on the other side

everything didnt go the way we both wanted

but it still worked out i guess

he went out with her

&&to keep myself busy i went to gym to box my misery out ..

was worned out quickly and fell asleep soon after

didnt even have a chance to think about insecurity

but feeling tired now

got too worked up body aching here and there

need a holiday ASAP :p

fact is holiday is just over for me

GAY!

just wish i made the most out of the last trip i had with him

just one more day he will be back

just wish uni was alot busier today .. so i can keep myself occupied..

instead of sitting here blogging ..

i see this guy trying to read what i am writting on the screen

"YEA YOU DUDE! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!"

lolxxx

ahah .. ok he read that part :p

mm.. just 1 more friggin day .. cant wait baby

daddy's baby girl

2010-07-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

this is my hero :) my dad
so glad he is coming tomoro ..

i missed him so much

sometimes when i feel like crying i always wish daddy was here to tell me wht to do

he always manage to put a smile on my face

without even tryin

dad im glad you're coming

you are what i need now

i'm sick and dead tired

worked at a horrible facility where all residents are rude, mean and aggressive

always kicking and swearing at you

met a racist lady that was even worst...

my day just cant get any worst

well im definitely wrong about my day not being any worst than that

to add up to that .. he will be goin out with her on wednesday

just great ! fantastic ..

my body is being a bitch ..

but itwas a little better to know thers is still true love some where out there..

which made my day to see someone happy

this is to you zygmunt&janina ^^

your 60 years is an inspiration to me

mom&dad close to 30 years now

me&him 6 months & falling apart

shirley dad's coming tomoro

you will be fine :)

note to self: stop talking to self .. its weird .. hahahahaax

happy ending?

2010-07-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

i miss you

. . .

walls of jericho

2010-07-21T16:54:00.001-07:00

when i let my guard down
things start happening
i built a wall for a reason
to keep myself in
away from harm

maybe that msg didn't mean anything to you
but it would have been nice if you told me she dropped by

i hate it when i ask and the answer was
i forgot; because its not important
i hate it when i ask and the answer is
you will over-react
so now

this is me
OVER-REACTING !

you&me
no secrets; LIES
whtever . . .

2010-07-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

&&even a thousand miles; can't keep us apart

Cause my heart is wherever you are

i believe we were meant to be

will you catch me if i fall ?

The Surprise

2010-07-16T09:34:00.000-07:00

he is back *big smiles

best present he could ever given me

but she is still there ..

posting up a storm of flirt

me ?

in the dark

from everything

im glad you're back

for a while

at least my heart feels a moment of relief ..

until you leave again

be strong . just love him even if you're not the one
and if alls fail
at least you know you've done your best..
to make him happy

Day 15

2010-07-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

christmas in July anyone :)

anyways .. if you're wondering

i just got off work and i feel great

everyone in the home was happy and cheery today

because its christmas.. i got there and felt like i was the one with dementia

because the whole place was decorated like it was christmas

&&cheery jingle bells were on

it was great while i was there

because everything felt alright again for a while

& i wasn't alone but surrounded by happy old folks

today is the 15th day

coming home to this empty room make me feel more alone then ever

but i came up with a brilliant plan

which was to organise a little dinnnuh shindig

at this great steak house

well lets hope it goes well

because it'd do me good

coz i don't have to sit at home again

waiting

&id be keeping myself busy planning for the dinner

good plan shirley ^^

all you need is people coming .. hmmm

he said he'll see me real soon

but he can never specify the stupid date

so i'm assuming he'll be back on the 30th like he said he would

another 15 days from now

*take deep breath

i made it thru 15 days

whats another 15 days

i can do this

so christmas today :)

Day 12

2010-07-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

remember this babe :)

as long as you love me
ill stay by your side
ill be your companion
your friend and your guide

as long as you love me
as long as you care
ill be anything for you
ill go anywhere

ill bring you the sunshine
ill comfort your fears
ill gather up rainbows
to chase all your tears

as long as forever
my love will be true
for as long as you love me
ill ONLY LOVE YOU

don't forget bout us
i love you

PS: its either you or no one else !

Day 11

2010-07-10T17:07:00.000-07:00

today looked just like every other dull day i have without him

i'm full of anticipation today

and full of questions.. wondering what her explanation was..

have he told her about me? have he replied her and be nobel and mature

just like the man i've fallen in love with..

deep down i knew he would have wanted to revenge

this has nothing to do with my insecurity..

when it comes to taking her back and lose her

playing pretend can do massive harm to us and i dont understand how he couldnt see it

he cares alot about what she thinks and he still cares about her after all these years

he just doesnt know it yet

i was glad things between us are stable again..

but my heart stopped beating when he told me his plan..

a plan that sent a frenzy to my imaginations

i rejected the plan.. not because i didnt trust him

i rejected it because it isnt fair for me.. having me and another

even if its just playing pretend.. what difference does it make of you and her

nothing but equals.. so today .. im not goin to doubt .. but believe that he have ord told her that

he has me..

i know one should never compare reality to a tv series

but i realised how wrong i was about doubting

because i am doin nothing but pushing him away

and i never had the courage to take a chance since my past

so today..

i'll do it.. because i believe that girl in his past have ord know my existance....

and know that she is no longer present .. because she is so yesterdays news

:D ok extremely gay closing.. SO YESTERDAYS NEWS..

hahaha .. ok.. talking to yourself again shirley .. bleuk

Day 10

2010-07-09T23:34:00.001-07:00

nobody is ever alone in this world
no matter how hard you try to convince the world that you are
you really are not
in some funny voodoo or whatever fairytale magic way
everyone will always manage to find love lurking at the funniest
or at the places they least expected
this girl up here, was my classmate in highschool
she is the type of girl you see walking on the street and you'd go
wow, she is gorgeous
well you know wht
she isnt just that, she is smart, sexy, independent and altogether a great friend
she was my eyes when im blinded by my ego and shoulder to cry on
thanks for telling me im an idiot :) you never fail babe
just know that i'd be there for you too ..

today is day 10
my baby have been gone for 10 days
a real good 10 days, unlike last time where we could sneak out and cheat
to see each other, but a real 10 days without him
trust me, distant is a problem
well to me at least
i was at my lowest and i acted out because i couldnt let whats in the past
past like a bad dream, or a sour yogurht that needs to be thrown out.
ok bad metaphore ... but
point is.. i acted like a complete psycho last night and i hurt the heart of the man i love
i was out of my mind with this distant thing
and i find the easiest excuse to blame him for my misery and past
I HAVE TRUST ISSUES
i never want to admit that, but its a fact
and i need to get over that.. soon..
because all that dark&cynical cloud is hurting the ppl i love around me
especially him.. little did i know that my past is gone
it will no longer haunt me again
because he is a different man
one that will never let me get hurt

so if you are reading this babe.. like i know you would i just want to say
1 thanks for staying even thou i acted like a psycho murderest bitch
2 thanks for putting a smile on my face at my lowest
3 thanks for loving me so much despite everything

i know wht i've done hurt you really bad for the past few days..
today i'll overcome it .. well... slowly
so i'll start by saying this
babe.. no matter what, ill be waiting here patiently for you to come home
because i love you. no questions asked and no doubts in mind

梁建 due to fail search on google i cant complete the sentence i have in mind..
coz i cant find the last word
but what i want to say is
LEONG KHEN YEH !
WO ZHEN DE HEN AI NI ..
i love you always&forever

Day 8

2010-07-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

insecurity

Day 7

2010-07-06T10:31:00.001-07:00

no time to text, email or call
writting on my wall is just a lazy way to talk to me

writting an email shows effort
how you are willing to feel closer to me
i did it
but i guess you are just
WAY TOO BUSY TO WRITE ME EVEN ONE

ive been thru busy
in a nursing home with 9 other old ppl to take care of and wash
i still manage to give you a call and text
in yours .. i dont understand
so tell me mr busy man

its the effort
and whether im in your heart or not
only you know

i cry myself to sleep every night
do you even know tht
no you dont.. because you are too busy checkin out your ex's
bloody finger
whether she still thinks about you or not
well congratulations
she still fucking do

i hate this feeling
feeling oblivious actually
like i never existed
all the none reply texts and emails
make me feel as if i dont exist anymore

thank you for making me feel like shit babe
you've been great
just continue to not call and reply me at all
only running errands are important
and observing cousins

you know wht
i exist or not its none of your concern anymore ..

Day 4

2010-07-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

he told me 24 more days
and 24 days i shall wait

baby i miss you
i dont feel like myself without you around
something is missing
and thts you

everything tht i have of you
is slowly fading away
the sweater and pillow tht smells like you
no longer smell like you but me

i hate tht feeling
its as if you were slipping away slowly
and its only been the fourth day
you not by my side left me vulnerable and emotional
i feel gay

ill be patient and will be keeping myself occupied
lookin forward to have dinner with the girls tomoro night
plus dessert
and maybe go clubbing with the girls on saturday

just 24
its almost over ..
jia yu !

i love you baby ..

Day 3

2010-07-04T02:13:00.000-07:00

to do list:

helped mom at the market
picked friend up from airport
finished one novel
lying in bed
waiting for day 3 to past

check check and CHECK !

waiting for him to come back
PENDING . . . . . .

shirley's mind
VACANT
anybody would like to occupy it for a while
i'm bored and thts just sad

sometimes i just wish he could call more often
but i think that is just too much to ask for
its very selfish

but i just miss you
thts all . . .

Day 1

2010-07-02T08:08:00.001-07:00

the skies were extremely gloomy today baby :(
as if you not being here isn't bad enough
the sky wanted to play its part as a dramtic scene
got me for a second
i felt like i was about to drown in darkness

but then you texted me
thnks babe
it rly made my day a whole lot better

1 down just 30 to go ! woop woop
(being positive)

just waiting for you now :) come back soon .
ily

feels like lightyears away

2010-07-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

this .
is my love .

today i got on a plane without him
knowing i wont be able to see him at the other end
for a while
i miss him already
so badly .

its just 31 days 744 hours 44640 mins and 267840 seconds
till i see you again
if i told you i cant do this i'd be selfish
to not let you be there and enjoy every moment of it
withouth worrying about me being miserable
baby i rly miss you
staying with you was such a bad idea
it makes saying goodbye so much harder
but then again
id be devastated to not see you before i go
ill be strong

tomorrow marks the first day
and ill make it thru tomorrow
with a big fat smile
i can do this
i can do this .

2010-06-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

oohhhhh
2 0 ....

so i turned 20 ... Mehhhhh
wasnt much of a celebration..
Couldnt get tht camera i wanted so badly..

Blah!

this year isnt so bad... Got heaps of wishes...

2010-06-09T06:05:00.000-07:00

ebay guy
i hate you !

i paid for that polaroid camera first and you ended up selling it to a family friend
i don't want a re-fund i want that camera !

had a perfectly good day going .
now i just feel like murdering somebody !

ebay guy
i hate you so much !

2010-06-08T05:32:00.000-07:00

turning 20 in 8 days

what a nightmare, i'm an old witch
*dramatic screams

anyways baby bought me this awesome leather jacket something i always wanted

but never bother to get

thnks a bunch babe

i love you

mommy then asked me what i want

i wanted to tell her i want to go kl this holiday

but she will end up screaming so i was thinking an iphone

in the end i chose nothing

i don't want to celebrate being 20 anyways

been saving up to buy that cute little polaroid camera on ebay

thank GOD its still there !

putting in the order and rewarding myself for being 20 next week hopefully it gets here before my bday so i can take heaps of photo with JONNIE :)))

besides the not so exciting celebration

there is another celebration worth bein excited about

its me and babe's 5th month

and im proud to say its getting stronger ...

I don't want to be 20 .... screams !

4 months & stronger ?

2010-05-16T02:17:00.000-07:00

well its been 4 months now .

been excited before ive known so much
i realised you weren't that guy i thought you were .

its hard to love someone that pictures other women
well i don't know that
but a load of photos of other women
sure doesn't give me the idea that i am the only one for you
its ok to have celebs in the collection
but women that you ones loved and ones fantasize about that are around
sure don't give me the security as your partner
my fault for goin thru your stuff but you do the same with mine
but at least wht you found isn't half as bad as yours
i disposed every photo of my past love
i even ripped photos of him in my purse apart and threw them in the bin
because i know when you see it
you get unhappy
so YOU asked me . does it matter ???
YES IT DOES ! how is it fair for me to dispose HIM and you not with HER ??!!

if you have her in there
why don't you just date her already !!

2010-04-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

a place where

only you and i

matter

i hope we never change

2010-04-15T10:56:00.000-07:00

pick a falling star and put it in your pocket

save it for a rainy day .

its funny how i am not that little girl that is easily impressed when my dad

makes a coin disappear

i wish i could talk to my dad.

or somebody . anybody right now would do

ring up my best friend to wish her happy bday

but she is conferencing with everyone else

and i felt out of place

plus im over my cap

i went off

supposed to be studyin for that test but

i just cbfUCKED now

just wanna sit here and listen to lullby

while i drift away ..

everything is weird . i am weird

how everything i do always turn out to be wrong

my past always overshadow the present i have

one day i will shatter everything i have now because of my insecurity

stop ! ughhh

fuck this ....

i wanna go home (malaysia)

2010-04-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

cant stand this anymore

wish imma dinasaur !

least all they do is eat .

2010-04-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

3 months and counting

but ...

why don't it feel right ?

sometimes i wish i knew what he is thinking

you once told me you would dispose everything i gave you

if we were to part

but i found her still in a small part of you today

i can't force you to erase her

i don't know what to feel

should i worry ...

happy 3rd

2010-04-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

bills pilling up . . .

still haven't figure out how to buy myself everything i need without spending the remaining of the money i have on unnecessary stuff :/

sigh* officially labeling myself as a shopaholic

gonna lock my bank card away

&until i get a great and stable job

thats exactly what i am gonna do

mid sems in 5 days

2010-04-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

easter breaks :)

just chillin in the house . might go out to do some exercise because the weather is sooooo bbooorrttiifooll

anyways

baby asked me would i have considered someone else that could click with me

to be honest

if i haven't met you

my definition of love would be finding someone i can easily click with

but since you came around

it didn't matter to me anymore

yea maybe you can't play the piano with me

but you can learn (if you want to i can teach you)

yea i can joke

but you can too (hell smeexyy kinds)

yea maybe we don't click

but who cares (relationship gets boring if we have too much in common anyways)

its the differences that makes me want more of you

i want to know more about you

but i just wish the 3 years didn't have to exist

the "i love you for now" didn't have to exist

every time the song "the man that can't be moved" plays

it breaks my heart

because what if one day i do wake up and found that i'm missing you

you won't be there anymore . . .

i wish time stops

now . . .

is it ok if i said i love you always&forever?

2010-03-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

sometimes just sometimes
i wish you can say something nice
& mean it for a change

work in 3 hours

note to self: survive today

2010-03-01T02:59:00.001-08:00

sometimes i wonder .

if your like this with your ex's
but i think not; they must be treated like princesses .
why can't me ?

things i cannot say

2010-02-27T20:11:00.001-08:00

there are so many things i wanna tell him
but i can never put them out in words
words that can correctly describe how important he is to me
without making him feel uncomfortable
or think i am desperate

i am going out with a guy i barely know
been dating for a month now
his presence still sends my heart to a raving beat

maybe its stupid to feel this way towards a person i just met
even to him its weird to be in so deep so fast
i'm confused too because i am never like this
&you make me do exactly all the opposites
as much as i am grateful to have you
it scares me as much to know you might be the next person to break me too
but someone once told me
just because there is an end to everything; there is no reason to not enjoy it while it last
babe, i am EMBRACING :)

for now i am just glad to have even met you. this song is for you . please listen to the lyrics :)

the song sings my heart to you .

ily ♥ always&forever

2010-02-23T06:18:00.001-08:00

first day of uni today . list of things to do

-communication assignment :interview + role play

-psychosocial assignment :essay on piaget's theory

-KISS my baby :)

been so excited bout uni all week and when its here . all tht excitement disintegrated
uni is so boring when you don't get to stab people with needles :p (just over-exaggerating i actually love people)

&prolly because i dont get to see him :(

fell asleep in the library today waiting for him . i think im kinda clingy lately :/ gotta stop clingy-ness rightttt.. NOW

so yea uni uni uni & assign assign assign-ments
tht'll keep me busy enuf to stop being so clingy . but but butt... i miss him

you make me smile x

your my babeh

2010-02-22T03:48:00.001-08:00

my mom always tell me not to play with fire or i'll get burnt
&guess wht for once in my life i am willing to take tht risk

i know how he told me he is going to leave for good after uni
i know how i wont be able to go with him straight after uni
i know how scared i am to lose him
&i know how dangerous it is holding on to this

but i just can't stay away...

Justin Bieber's baby :)

You know you love me
I know you care
And I would never, not be there
You are my love
You are my heart
And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'
Take another look right in my eyes
My first love, touch my heart for the first time

And now I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine

For you, I would have done whatever
And ya stick it with me when we're together
And I'm gonn' play it cool
While I'm losin you
I'll buy you anything
I'll buy you any ring
Cause I'm in pieces
Baby fix me
Come see if you wake me from this bad dream*
I'm goin down, down, down

Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine

You can give me all of your love
Once a time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come
Now I'm all gone
You can give me all of your love
Once a time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come

I wa- I was like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Now I'm all gone, gone, gone, gone
I'm gonee

do you have any idea how much i love you ?

no words can describe my love for you .

tomorrow will be a better day?

2010-02-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

its my attitude . its me .
i alwalys let my my anger take over and its true wht you said .
i will always say things i regret after .
and now i cant take back wht i said to you .
and i need you most now .
i just need to hear your voice . even if its to yell at me, to lecture me, or to tell me off
please answer me . whether its to laugh at my paranoia
or to tell me this is the last time you want to see me .

i pissed my sister off . i dont have anybody now .
i just need to hear your voice telling me its ok now .

is everything ok ?

is sorry too late to fix this now ?

anybody out there?

2010-02-20T08:54:00.001-08:00

dear world .

you win again .

world 10000 shirley 0

everythings's magic

2010-02-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

used to get up every morning feeling emotionally and physically drained
but nowadays because of you i get up every morning with a reason to smile
I'm content
for your existence, for your love

for you pulled me out of loneliness

i found you

&&everything's magic ♥

i don't want to walk this earth [s o L o] babyy boi

2010-02-17T18:14:00.000-08:00

dear baby
i know you are reading this even after i told you not to >:]
but this post is to you :) i dont care what you get on that piece of shit paper that doesnt prove anything to the world other than its just one piece of paper with alphabets on it .

no matter wht you think ! you did well for your exam and i am HELLLLL~ proud "you have no IDEA!"
and reward yourself for tht . because you achieved higher than you aimed for . dont get all worked up and kept blaming yourself for not getting a HD because its ord in the past . just focus on whts about to come and aim higher like now because you know you are capable of achieving wht you aim for .

i am here to make sure you keep to that aim :D like this .

:o hahaha .. jk .. well .. if you want :p
hahaha .. anyways babe .. work hard ok ! for now celebrate and be content with wht you've got !
coz i am hell proud of you !! :D

love you babyyy boiii

perfectionist ?

2010-02-16T06:15:00.001-08:00

not little miss perfect
i dont have the look of an angel
or the body of a devil

to you . you are always perfect
to you . i am always alright ?

not asking you to call me miss fairest of the world
but am i really that alright only ?
whenever you say that it makes me feel as if im not good enuf for
little mr perfect you . and i prolly am not .

but sometimes just a little compliment wouldnt hurt . even if its a lie to you .
it just makes me happy .

forget it mr perfect you will never get it .
sometimes i dont feel important in your life .
i am not perfect .

2010-02-14T14:14:00.000-08:00

romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant? long walks on the beach? romantic movies? stargazing under the diamond night skies? dancing in the middle of a beautiful garden? flowers?

nope.

we didn't do things by the great big book of valentine's day but what we did still beat everything in there. a walk at the half beach half park . its like two in one :) which i reckon was awesome. view of the city with a surprise dolphin visit on the side! shared waffle i-scream together. met up with his mates for dinner then hanging out just the 2 of us under the starlight holding each other as if it was the end of the world and chatting the night away.

its not the ideal date but who cares. fact that i cant always see him just drives me nuts. and being able to just see him, talk to him and hold him just makes me excited to just be there next to him. to me it was perfect.

it is better than girls that have their bf giving them a card with a 10 dollar note in there asking her to buy herself a gift while he went and chill with his mate on V'day. heard that on the radio called valentine's day EPIC FAIL. hilarious.

anyways

baby there is nobody else but you. thank you for the gifts and chocolates ! not forgetting that all so adorable card you made :p

one month and counting :)

valentine anyone?

2010-02-11T16:08:00.000-08:00

do you ever wonder why people celebrate valentines ?
beats me .
but to me its an excuse to love tht special someone more
it gives me an excuse to do something special with him on this special occasion :) like unusually long walks along the beach or even if its just driving along the coastline towards nowhere . i like tht because in your company i feel happy .

so its not just another day . its a special day i could celebrate and appreciate
that you&me found something pretty neat . that your a gay faggot :p jk babe . ily

baby :) will you be my valentine ?

happy valentines&monthsary !

♥

im yours

2010-01-28T15:51:00.000-08:00

hold your breath and count to 10
because it is goin to be one hell of a week without you
its goin to be worth it when you pass tht exam :)
i cant wait to see you

ps: i love you

heaven can wait

2010-01-17T06:09:00.000-08:00

getting sick at the wrong time sucks balls
& i miss him :(

i promised i wont call
he is busy preparing for his exam .
wednesday . wednesday
it'll be all worth it .

goodnight :)

vanilla twilight

2010-01-14T09:49:00.001-08:00

its the littlest things you do that makes me so happy

i wish i could see you tomoro

i love you

babe

lovebug ?

2010-01-13T14:17:00.001-08:00

i don't know if you've found me
or i've found you

but i'm glad we found each other.

you make me wanna stay a little longer
everytime i'm with you
can i let you in ?

Stay with me - Sundance Kids

Watch you walk and watch you run
And I'll always be the one chasing you
I see you faint, I see you fall
And I'll be sure the one to catch you
'Cause I found my happiness with you

Stay with me just a bit longer now
Don't find the time to say your goodbyes
And please don't leave me
'Cause I want you
'Cause I want you now

I know you'll come away
but I leave the light on incase you find your way home
'Cause you're my mystery that makes life interesting
'Cause I found my happiness in you

Stay with me just a bit longer now
Don't find the time to say your goodbyes
And please don't leave me
'Cause I want you
'Cause I want you now

Stay with me just a bit longer now
Don't find the time to say your goodbyes
And please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
'Cause I want you
'Cause I want you now

2010-01-12T06:26:00.001-08:00

&maybe its true; that i can't live without you

but i am better off without you

this summer x

2010-01-05T05:21:00.000-08:00

long walks on the beach, unhealthy tans, tiny tank tops
&adorable short shorts
awesome sunsets
but a lonesome summer

everyone's
either back in their twinkle town
or away on a family holiday
while i work my ass off trying to buy a car
and
earning tuition fees for uni

successfully went to my interview today
but not sure if i've gotten the job
successfully passed my driving theory test
but haven't pass the actual driving test
successfully found what car i wanna buy
but haven't got the money

this is my first post
for the year 2010
feels weird aye
something about it that doesn't thrill me at all
fact that i am turning 20 this year i guess
more responsibility&more burden
to carry

was in KAYKAY for a couple of weeks last month
i don't exactly call those couple of weeks a blast because it was a total let down
since im such a party pooper to everyone
i guess its really the age
i know i used to love dancing&all the spontaneous stuff
but all i wanna do now is just
hang out, chill & have a drink while chatting the night away bout randoms
just wanna apologize to my best friend T for not being myself while i was back there
i know i've changed into something different
something annoying
or well.
OLD perhaps :s

im just sorry i wasn't that person anymore
feels weird to me too
but i guess its who i've become since i got here
:(

end of my teenage years
*yuck

old lady with 50 cats ? ?

fast&painful

2009-11-19T14:23:00.000-08:00

should've seen this coming

sometimes i think all i need is you

2009-11-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

so today is the first day of exam
as usual i never feel prepared until i get in the exam room itself
all i know is imma give it my best shot
its stupid to be updating right now when im supposed to be studyin
but i just feel like it
regrets are not studyin 24/7 before today
thts just me .

not to be religious or anything
but lately
besides having my best fren to talk to (which we are both too busy for lately)
i find serenity praying
as ridiculous as it sounds
it helped me through so much
when i feel alone
or sick and tired of the world

& if it wasnt for him
i wouldn't have had a best fren that have always been there
for me

so exams today T .
wont be updating
well unless i feel like it :p
like today .
my exams end next friday >:]
will be back soon !!!!!
wish me luck today

if your having exams too . imma say you gon demolish some paper's arse ! haha
lub you long time my ssmeexxy bish !

he is legendary forever . always

2009-10-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

wish i could watch this . only out for 2 weeks :(
.. <3

little imaginary world of mine

2009-10-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

do you believe in reincarnation?

. . . i do

. . .

i want to be a piece of cloud pls :)

its pretty

reminiscent bout you . you . & . you

2009-10-26T02:47:00.000-07:00

graduation is this week
&
people often spend their quite time flashing back
to the so called "good ol' days"
well they were good :p

&
man let me tell you what
i am having a major flashback
not only through out this year
but also for the last few years of my life

its so scary aye. how in a glimpse of an eye
things can change
how people can change
no matter from bad to worst
or
good to major awesome-ness

there are the old awesome

there are the new awesome

then there are the to come awesomes
to be honest
id be happy if it just stopped right there
because to many awesome would be great and all
but the ones i have now are pretty much the ones i wanna get stuck with
for the rest of my life
i could already picture our reunions together in 50 years
can you?

i tend to look at the world as a hell hole
(well, at times)
come to think of it
being stuck here with them
isnt bad at all
i like it like this

there are only so much i can say about them
but it is never enough
you guys are awesome

&
in 50 years time
we will still be awesome
coz we'll still be rocking that beat

new&old
or newest as well
if i didnt mention you here
i love you guys
just dont have a picture with you guys with me atm
will put them all up ok :)

with love
<3

so human

2009-10-25T01:38:00.001-07:00

so so so bored !

study study study !

i love you

head over heels for you

2009-10-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

you are funny
you have the voice that i have always imagined on a man i would
fall in love with
(sing for me pls)
you have a great heart
you always do that funny thing with your jaw
when you wanna clear the pressure in your ear
(heh)
you love footy
but you suck at basketball&soccer
your faithful
your loving
your intelligent
talented
you have the stare that makes me go weak
you don't care about what is going on today
&
most of all
your average like me

don't ever sing
because
it makes me lose all my senses

sometimes you have to put walls around you;
not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down just to be with you.

will you be the one ?

is that all you got world ?

2009-10-20T16:54:00.000-07:00

do you ever wonder why we just sit around
waiting for stuff to happen
instead of pursue-ing it

heh
basically its just laziness
like me right now
instead of doing something bout it
sitting here blogging bout it

i feel so lazy
but at the same time excited about
what's about to come
a slight disappointment
because there might be a let down somewhere
ahead
but excitement is eating me up
that i can't focus or careless about
the upcoming exams

i think that is what you call
distraction ?

speaking of which
mocks are over
i probably did really bad
but there is nothing i can do about it now
that its over
the "big thing" is coming up
but i can't seem to get my head in the game

meh~
oh well
today is another day
i have 20 hours and 56 mins
excluding sleep, break between toilets and lunch breaks to study
so

wish me luck
H. Bio your up first

&dear toe
thanks for not getting infected
xo
i am talking to my toe ?
eeeyyyyeerrr

there goes my awesome week :/

2009-10-19T18:27:00.000-07:00

yea
the picture explains it all
when a soccer game got ugly without shoes
me nail came off completely and second toe
is messed up

hahaha
twas funny
got to sit on a wheelchair
its not that bad aye
but i still prefer walking on my own
and play my favorite sports so
hopefully my foot get better soon so i can play again

heeee
grads next week
and i have to get my scroll with a fat toe
and home im coming !

meh~

heart throbbing

2009-09-30T01:22:00.000-07:00

3 words
8 letters
you say it&i am yours
.

have a little faith

2009-09-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

57 days till home

cant wait

perfection

2009-09-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

The "Perfect Guy"
I think I am completely obsessed with this actor
look at him perfect smile
he looks so darn sexy in that suit :p
*perv much

ow moving on
my interview with the volunteer job went well today
i wasn't late for the interview
most of all
i did not get lost
*YES!
proud of myself*pets head

then i reward myself with another photo of him
*obsessed ! damn this
so anyways..
so far
all my tests are back
i pass em all
THANK YOU JESUS
i just have one test left
&
i think i failed that one
coz i totally wagged it
but yea.. hopefully its still at least a pass
i will stop hating myself if i just pass

b t w
its 66 days to go !
:)

2009-09-15T03:16:00.000-07:00

67 days to go

hoes over bros

2009-09-14T04:04:00.000-07:00

68 days till home

2 and a half weeks till exams
starting all over
i can cramp everything before exams i know i can

then im free

i wanna touch you

2009-09-11T16:23:00.001-07:00

fairy tales&happily ever afters

do they still exist?

2009-09-09T17:39:00.000-07:00

i was thinking bout wht i said the other day
bout not having the things i wish for
......
i do have the things i wish for
friends that love me a lot
they are not with me
so what!!
they still care about me as much as when we were together
tiara&ray
that's what i wished for
i lub you guys long time

"Best friends just won't leave your side"
-Blink182

there are so many things to catch up with when we hang out again
i've missed out so much with T&R
Tiara went through so much
&it seems like i didn't put much effort at all to even do some catching up
because i have my own probs
im so sorry
we have a lot of catching up to do
Ray sits at home all day
im sorry BA darling i can't go over and have brekky with you like old times
i promise
when i get back we will do it day&night
better than old times

besides my dad&assbig brother
you guys are the reason i miss home so much
its so weird coz the closer i am to going home
the more i blog bout home
i think im just really excited..
you guys are going to get a lot of shit from me bout home

what bout perth?
i mean perth is nice
its not that there isn't anything i like bout this place
i've got lovely friends too
like witlyn&jas, shaun&steph, marc&cliff, junho&rowan
... a lot more ...
but recently i walked out of one of the person's life
if you are reading this
i just want to apologise
i dunno what is wrong with me
but i just don't think you need me anymore
you have so much going on
&its going on so fast
i just dunno how to catch up anymore
but i still love you
im always going to be here when things on the other side isnt going so well
most of all
i am sorry

esp that day where i avoided you(kind of on purpose)
when i saw you coming from the opposite direction of the hallway
im sorry for that
i just didn't know how to say hi anymore
do know that the problem is not with you
its me

ally
"你最近还好吗"
i'm sorry

holocaust

2009-09-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

i want everything to end soon

because i can't wait

can't
wait
to
go
back
to
where
I

Belong

♥

we always wish for things we cannot have

2009-09-08T02:41:00.001-07:00

things i wish for but can never have
KIM HYUN JOONG
a body like Hayden P's & a million other stuff in the world
i want them all
:) greedy much
hmmm
exams in 3 weeks
going back home in 73 days
i got one thing i wished for
going back home to where i belong
&see all my lovely loverssss
*relieved

home i am coming

너를 그리워요

2009-09-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

its one of those days where you know you have a test to study for
&you just cant study
yes.. that is exactly what i am talking about..
i am fidgeting&i cant STOP
every little thing is distracting me right now
it bugs me that i can't study
but i ord ask for leave from school
as a result
i feel guilty for not going either...

sighh
what a lazy bitch i am
hmm... no point.. just take that day off as a study break .. intensive study starts tomoro ..
nursing course in ECU here i f***ing come :)

b t w
home
here i come
soon soon .. ill be home where my bitches&hoes will be
missing my tiara&ray alot
wish i could be there that day when i called them
can't wait till we catch up
have brekky,lunches&dinnerrrssss
at wherever . NO MCdonalds ok guys..
ugghh .. tht stuff makes me sick ..

for english today
we had to watch this documentary called super size me ...
ughhh .. check it out yourself & trust me
MCdonalds is the last thing you want to put in your mouth
i know it is bias; but i can't help it but feel sick watching him eat all thatbut i am going to miss the Mc-Flurry :(
the Mc-nuggets, the Mc-fries & plus the Mc-hotty i always see working there :(
but yea.. i think its worth it
if you guys are free.. do watch this documentary . its pretty good for general knowledge

im off to bed .. because it is 3 am in the morning ..
and i have to get up at 5 to send my mom off to work ...

lub my KimHyunJoog :p

its never the same

2009-08-20T18:15:00.001-07:00

not to be melodramatic or anything
but lately thats how i been feeling
trying to stay away from friends
dont even feel like talking bout it to anyone

having thoughts of slamming my head into a wall
to try regain consciousness
but it makes no sense coz i am obviously awake
wanna scream my lungs out
but there is noway i can scream without being judged as an idiot :/
unless i can turn back time
back to the time when im with lovers back home(tiara,dimi, vern&ray)
im not afraid to be alone or be left out
as the matter of fact i am tryin to avoid all of them (all of a sudden; sorry)
but i am afraid of the thoughts of moving backwards
maybe its just the weather or maybe its just the stress i've been going through

B T W
me&ally are friends again
haha.. how childish i know :p
but we finally fix things which is great
2 big kids fighting over nothing ..
laf you bitch :D

have to get ready for school..
hate schoolllllll~*groans
hate it hate it hate it!

why don't YOU just drag me to hellll

just another ordinary day

2009-08-13T02:47:00.000-07:00

damn straight ..
funny little comic i found !

dut du du~
i'm bored as hell

pressure down fall

2009-08-09T02:49:00.000-07:00

&&she go bangbangbaNG ....
what if i am about to die tomorrow
will you still be by my side?

why do i suddenly feel like a stranger to him ?
my name, my birthday?
is it me or am i being a bitch all of a sudden?
it just birthdays&names?
does it really have to matter if he knew you or not?

YES it does..
&&he don't know you
he probably wouldnt remember the date of the day you went out

strike 1
shirley chang pui yee
take a bloody deep breath&go back to your studies

ally.. yes you! read this ..

2009-08-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

love..?
something nobody can ever understand
scientists, behaviourists, theorists, psychologist....& all the whtever isttt...
even they can't figure out the formula&the complication behind this
easy yet complicated feelings ppl get

its easy to lay eyes on someone
&just say those 3 words to them
but it is NEVER easy to let go once your in it
once you fall there is no way of stopping it
a bottomless pit hole

some fall but believe this is something worth fighting for
so they fight even if they get beaten a million times (shaun)
some fall but believe they can wait for the next one to come around soon (sharon)
some have fallen&can never get back up but finally found someone that is so perfect that now they made love look beautiful to everyone (tiara)
some fall&let their heart breaker kill their spirit thou the truth is obvious that they are too good for them (alyssa)

which one do you want to be ?
or do you wish to create your own ..

you.. yes you... reading this .. i know your ally :)
you left him to make him realize the pain he has caused you
if he loved you as much as he said he did ..
he will fight for you&not blame you for making him realize
if he did not&gave up
then he never loved you as much as you think he did
because we know how it feels to fight
&we both know we wont give up at any cost ... look at what you are doing..
never let him mess with wht you fight for ..
it was never your fault to leave him !!!
i hate him for saying that its your fault to have left him in the first place..
when he did it first to you ! he never said he left you in the relationship
but he always have.. during the relationship where you are hanging at the edge of a cliff!
is that wht you want? do you think he would be the guy you can trust?!
when you are hanging by the edge&&when his so called buddies call him ..
he just left you there.. how long do you think your arm can hold on !
your lucky you always have your buddies to hold on to you while he do his so called important business"clubbing&weed"
dont believe in the things he said to you .. he just turned you around&made you think its your fault !
when it is NOT at all !!
he have ord left you in the relationship.. he just never said it...
dont you see it ? dont you realize it ?
he have left you .. he just never said it ..
&you let him teach you a lesson for leaving him
well at least you took the time to let him know you did !!
but did HE ?!
ask yourself love ! ?

im talkin to much here :/ i hope you get wht i am tryin to say to you ..
dont let him break your spirit.. you've been so strong...

im always going to be here to remind you !
you are strong !

get it .. you will fight this .. you will !!! ok !!!

erase me off the earth . now ?

2009-08-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

i cant block out the past anymore
i am too tired to face it
tired of hiding now
my past is really fighting its way hard back to the surface&create that barrier
"i'm no superman"
there are so many ups&downs lately
i felt so happy yesterday
got up this morning feeling like i've deceived a person i cared about
i am so sorry ... if only he could understand wht is going on in my head

i have been fighting really hard ..
i am sorry
that moment is coming anytime soon now
i can feel it

ive spoken to him bout how i felt
ive explained wht might happen in days to come
it is unpredictable; when it will come
but i know when it does .. your goin to be hurt by nobody but ME
i always end up doing that to people that cares about me most

honestly
i feel like crap today .. i think its just going to be a shitty day for me today
its those days where you want to tear up in your room
and just listen to your favorite sad songs

ally&sharon are having a way worst day then me
i hope they are ok
*breaths im going to be happy today ..
coz there is no reason for me to be a sour puss :)
*sighhhsss
ok .. get dressed .. schoolll time

cut-loose

2009-08-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

the guy that would work really hard to impress me
worry bout me when i walk home at night
standing out there waiting for a bus while im cozied up in my house
buy me lollies; make fun of me
and would carry me when im tired

this stubborn boy is marcus lim

i dunno when that fear will come around again.. but right now i am happy
i have never been
thou at times i cant do the old&young thing with him
but i forget when im with him

i think i have officially let go of my past..
thou it is fighting its way back again slowly on some nights ..
but i try to block them out&think positive with what i have now :) because ..
i like what i have now ..
thou ive always pictured
collared Tee, converse shoes, quarter pants
music junky kinda person
but he is just right
i dont mind if he dont love music as much as me
i just want him to be that honest guy that i can depend on

&i think he is
one step at the time i am building my courage
i will not run away from those 3 words..
but i will face them this time

goodbye past&here comes tomorrow

&&thats what he said to me

escape again?

2009-08-03T04:17:00.000-07:00

i have a date tomoro .. a DATE!
someone asked me out on a date... a real one this time
a one on one thing.. im nervous, but its not the shy feeling
more like panic.. i dont wanna run away anymore

i dont wanna give in to fear once more
shirley ! take a deep breath *breaths

his best fren told him he is for real
&if you run away again
you are just going to hurt him
&i dont want to hurt him
he makes me happy but i just don't really think i am ready to handle this

are you? 2 years.. turning 3 soon...
an honest guy that can describe you
&likes you for you, not exactly the right age...
but really sweet and caring,
not exactly the best match, but he tries hard to be perfect

i hate myself
i feel like that running away moment is going to come any
moment
i am so scared; & i dont want it to come so badly
i really want to open up
&most of all
i don't really want to lose him

he makes me miss him
as he is so different compared with other guys
he don't push me
he don't follow me around like he doesn't have a life

&that makes me miss him
he make me stare at my phone like an idiot
coz i always expect him to call
coz it normally happens when guys tell me they like me
they always call .. but he don't
&it bugs me when he makes me stare at the phone
playing a song that reminds me of him on repeat
watching a chinese drama that reminds me of him
walking in the school hallway
cant help but look every where as if i am about to bump into him

but never once
not once.. not unless i purposely walk my fren to english class just to see him smile back at me
but not ever .. maybe we just have no fate at all
*sigh
i think too damn much :p

think date .. think date
it is going to go well
it wont be awkward..
sleep early :))))

i am going to be me.. &if me is the one he likes
then i hope my fear can go to hell

feelings. sure ?

2009-08-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

ive been thinking
again&again
feelings is important; but we also need to be able to talk&communicate
& we have nothing to talk bout at times

we talk we laugh
but there is this point where it comes to an end
&it all goes silent, at times maybe awkward
i have never given anyone any fair chance to prove me on how wrong i am
i dont even know what i am doing is fair to him..
i didn't answer his question, there are no actions done
&i just wish he could prove something to me
so i could let my guard down&maybe finally find the right one
but are you ?

would you answer my call if i called at 3 because i had a nightmare?
would you walk me home at 12 am ?
would you walk across the city to get to me ?

let me know.. because i want to know if there is another man that would treat me like that
besides my broken past..
i don't want to hold on to that&live my whole life broken

i am the kind that is willing to give my whole; but are you ready to give as much ?

*don't tell me; i just want to see it
i hate empty promises; don't believe in words
but i can see it when it shows.

i believe you deserve so much better than this
think harder; maybe this is just an act of immediate without proper thoughts

afraid ; i'm sorry

dear God, give a love song

2009-07-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

時光是琥珀
shi guang shi hu po
Time is drops of tears
淚一滴滴
lei yi di di
being locked
被反鎖
bei fan suo
in an amber.
情書再不朽
qing shu zai bu xiu
No matter how immortal the love letters are,
也磨成沙漏
ye mo cheng sha luo
it'll still grinded into sand, leaking away.
青春的上游
qing chun de shang you
On the top of youthfulness,
白雲飛走
bai yun fei zou
white clouds are flying pass
蒼狗與海鷗
cang gou yu hai ou
turning into dogs and seagulls.
閃過的念頭
shan guo de nian tou
These flashy thoughts
潺潺的溜走
chan chan de liu zou
are slipping away.

命運好幽默
ming yun hao you mo
Fate is very humorous.
讓愛的人都沉默
rang ai de ren dou chen mo
It makes people in love silent
一整個宇宙
yi zheng ge yu zhou
(and) willing to trade in the universe
換一顆紅豆
huan yi ke hong dou
for a red bean.
回憶如困獸
hui yi ru kun shou
Memories is like a monster
寂寞太久
ji mo tai jiu
that'll eventually became gentle
而漸漸溫柔
er jian jian wen rou
from being lonely for a long time.
放開了拳頭
fang kai le quan tou
Letting go of (it's) fist,
反而更自由
fan er geng zi you
(it feels) much freer.

慢動作
man dong zuo
In slow motion
繾綣膠捲
qian quan jiao juan
attracting,
重播默片
chong bo mo pian
(and) replaying the silent film,
定格一瞬間
ding ge yi shun jian
(I've) stopped for a moment.
我們在告別的演唱會
wo men zai gao bie de yan chang hui
In our farewell concert,
說好不再見
shuo hao bu zai jian
(we've) said that we won't met again.

你寫給我
ni xie gei wo
You wrote me
我的第一首歌
wo de di yi shou ge
my first song.
你和我十指緊扣
ni he wo shi zhi jin kou
You and I were hand in hand
默寫前奏
mo xie qian zou
(and) writing the prelude from (our) memory.
可是那然後呢
ke shi na ran hou ne
But what now?
還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have
我這一首情歌
wo zhe yi shou qing ge
this love song.
輕輕的輕輕哼著
qing qing de qing qing heng zhe
Lightly humming,
哭著笑著我的
ku zhe xiao wo de
crying and smiling at my
天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

命運好幽默
ming yun hao you mo
Fate is very humorous.
讓愛的人都沉默
rang ai de ren dou chen mo
It makes people in love silent
一整個宇宙
yi zheng ge yu zhou
(and) willing to trade in the universe
換一顆紅豆
huan yi ke hong dou
for a red bean.
回憶如困獸
hui yi ru kun shou
Memories is like a monster
寂寞太久
ji mo tai jiu
that'll eventually became gentle
而漸漸溫柔
er jian jian wen rou
from being lonely for a long time.
放開了拳頭
fang kai le quan tou
Letting go of (it's) fist,
反而更自由
fan er geng zi you
(it feels) much freer.

長鏡頭
chang jin tou
The long camera shot
越拉越遠
yue la yue yuan
is pulling further and further,
越來越遠
yue la yue yuan
further and further.
事隔好幾年
shi ge hao ji nian
After a couple years from this,
我們在
wo men zai
we are at
懷念的演唱會
huai nian de yan chang hui
(our) memorable concert
禮貌的吻別
li mao de wen bie
politely kissing good bye.

你寫給我
ni xie gei wo
You wrote me
我的第一首歌
wo de di yi shou ge
my first song.
你和我十指緊扣
ni he wo shi zhi jin kou
You and I were hand in hand
默寫前奏
mo xie qian zou
(and) writing the prelude from (our) memory.
可是那然後呢
ke shi na ran hou ne
But what now?
還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have
我這一首情歌
wo zhe yi shou qing ge
this love song.
輕輕的輕輕哼著
qing qing de qing qing heng zhe
Lightly humming,
哭著笑著我的
ku zhe xiao wo de
crying and smiling at my
天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

陪我唱歌
pei wo chang ge
Sing with me.
清唱你的情歌
qing chang ni de qing ge
Sing acapella to your love song.
捨不得短短副歌
she bu de duan duan fu ge
(I) don't want the short chorus to end.
心還熱著
xin hai re zhe
My heart is still hot,
也該告一段落
ye gai gao yi duan luo
but it should come to an end.
還好我有
hai hao wo you
At least I still have
我下一首情歌
wo xia yi shou qing ge
my next love song.
生命宛如靜靜的
sheng ming wan ru jing jing de
Life is like a calm river
相擁的河永遠
xiang yong de he yong yuan
embracing each other for
天長地久
tian chang di jiu
eternity.

feelings over principle

2009-07-30T17:31:00.000-07:00

decisions;decisions
i don't like to keep people waiting on me
because it is never fair
i can never make a decision also because im an idiot . indecisive IDIOT
&i live with principles i set in my life; which is double the dumbness
&you break all my rules

you make me forget how i am supposed to act in life
you distract me in classes & i cant pay attention
i think about what you are doing&blah blah blah
&most of all you make me happy

but we are completely different
i ask myself . do i take another step further or should i stop at this quick pace... ?
answer is ... *commercial :p

to be continued.....
(LOL)

i srsly dunno :(

you make me wanna scrreeaaammm

2009-07-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

"always&forever"

shhhhh...
strange feeling of loneliness

will you be my fairytale?

young&old ; does it really matter ?

2009-07-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

mmmmmmmmmm :)
this is my goal
heeeee :p i know my current phone is not a year old yet
but this is so .. so... pweettttyyy
& its calling my name every time i walk past it
it makes me angry that i don't have it
so .... i've decided
after i help my mom until she is back on her feet with her financial problems

i'll reward myself with a phone
*yesssss
hahaha :D man .. i have work in an hour an a half
with *horror music
JAMIE :o

btw
my mind is all topsy turvy because of this constant reminder people always tell me
i dunno but
all week; this have been all they ever say to me
EVEN from ray
& it is also the current show i am watching

*sighh.. my FOR FREE guy :) mmmrawrrr
so sexxyy

"its ok to date someone younger than you.."

mmmm...
i cant get it out of my system that younger boys are like my baby brother
i mean as good-looking & blah-blah-blah
they can be .. i can't get over the fact that they are like my little sister or brother
& i will always treat them like a kid

but all this constant reminder is making me .... !@#$%^
im getting too old for this :/

time outttt
not gonna think anymore
but if that reminder comes again ..
i think i really gotta think ..
mmmmmmm...maaayyybeeeee

wish upon a star =*

2009-07-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

star light star bright
the first star i see tonight
i wish i may; i wish i might
have the wish i wish tonight.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today felt like it was never going to end :o
working with jamie (bitchy boss) >:]
was ever so tiring
she is suchh a hugeee... * oowww dirty no gooddd...
forget it ..
i am just hell tired

went to gym this morning
good idea if im not about to work with jamie
but i guess the rest is fine
studied today *yay me
but super tired

btw
when i just got home earlier
while i was closing the garage door
i looked up and saw the sky filled with diamonds
it was so beautiful
i think the last time i saw such a site was like years ago
with my lovers back home

&&i do wish i can have that wish i wish tonight :)
please&thankyou

"take a chance...."
la-la llaffff yoouu
mwa
xoxo

another rainy day

2009-07-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

its the time of the month again

stress pouring down at one go
i came home early from school today
missed my chem class
i feel hell bad right now...
i really wish there is something i could've done
but i am just so weak and tired right now

i remembered back then
every time when i am weak and useless
you were there to pick me up and tell me
'baby, just fall.. I'll catch you ... '
& i remembered exactly how you smiled at me
&&kissed me on my forehead gently

from then
you were always there
catching me when i fall
until you decided to go for another
i was angry

but without you
i wouldn't have had today
the me that won't depend on anyone anymore
& for that you deserve an applause
you made me stronger
i am no longer bitter with the past
but grateful that we built a relationship that was once unbreakable

i will have someone that will love me more than you ever did love me
one that will love me for me
not because of favors
but me
see the greatness in me; the way i would see greatness in him
i am doing just fine :)

from today onwards
i am going to tell myself
i am done hiding; i am going to go out there and live my life
because i deserve it

"battlefield"

biggest fear ? all over again ?

2009-07-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

eeeee .. i am constantly feeling hungry :/
& i won't stop eeeeeeee-tttiiinnngggg
heheh... winter sucks but it carries most of my cutest memories :) heeee

my biggest fear is finally here again
separation with someone i love and care

i know i've only known baby for a few weeks
but in that 2 weeks
to be honest all of us have grown so dependent on each other
as if we were family :) its great
but every time when the good times past
the bad has to come
& it is taking us down one by one
it makes me so angry
but you know what
I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN LIKE THAT
i believe it will change
but if it doesn't
i believe it is for the best

baby
if your reading this ; you are the greatest little baby we've got
& met :)
& if your mom's decision is for you to go back and then move to adelaide with your brother
then go
for i believe it would be the best for you too
but never ever ever ever forget us . ok ?!
your answer better be a "YES!! GIMME A PUNCH!"
as much as we are going to miss you & your fanny farts
we want you to have the best too
because that's what we want for you
the BEST even if it means we all have to part
to be honest; i would cry if you cried
so do NOT cry ok
i know you putting that strong face is to not worry us
you may think we don;t know you that well ..
ahh .. but we do .. we are always going to worry
but don't ever keep to yourself..
coz that is just supa selfish ... ^^
but you leaving us is really my biggest fear
i never thought any of us are about to part at least till end of this year :/
i am really not looking forward to end of the year where all of us have to leave
& this got me unpredictably

baby
don't lose hope yet
decisions are not made final yet
so there is still hope
we pray ok :)
whatever it is
i believe this is the best place for you :) heeeeeee
the best place is with US

this is random :p blehhhh
found it online
hahah .

here i go again !
HUNGRYYYYY
to the MAXXX
srsly craving for crunchy peanut butter with crust sandwich *mmmmmm
but its close to midnight :(
i miss ally,shauny & baby
bet you guys are having a party over there
hahaha

piisssshhhh ouuuttttt :D heeeeeeeeeeeee

why do all good things come to an end ?

2009-07-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

sent my friends home an hour ago
just finished up my psychology assignments
feel so tired but i can't seem to fall asleep
spent 2 whole weeks with them
&&
the absence of their presence makes me feel so lonely

but everything has come to an end right ?

really

??

mm i miss them..
but i miss my parents more..
just got off the phone with pops earlier today
he sounded sad because he had to send momma off :(
im praying.. praying real hard
that my family will reunite again one day
i miss pops and my idiot brother :(
ill see them really soon !

home in 1 2 3 days :)
cant wait 爸爸

home;home;home;home;home;home;home;
:D

exhaustion + stress

2009-07-19T09:23:00.001-07:00

major exhaustion
10 hours of burger maze&cranky customers
half done school assignments and more school assignments :o
crazy much

supposed to be doing my psych report but i need a break
just a short one .. hehe ..
mm... so tired.. but tomoro would be the last day i can finish coz im supposed to hand it up first thing school re-opens *dratzzzz to the maxxxx
have like a few hundred words to go

nyways got of another 4 hours of work today ..
so glad its end of my shift weeks ..
just left assignments and school . for now :(
the good thing is that my momma is coming home
i can't wait
this is hard to believe; but i miss her :p

so far my winter holiday have been great
with a couple of monkeys staying over
they wanted me to blog bout them
so this one is for you guys :p

meet shauny&baby(marcus)
there is the other monkey which is better known as my darling
well this whole week was great
we did quite
that includes eating -_-
if i suddenly look obese it would be their good deed (NOT)
haha .. but yea..

i guess that is all
an awesome all :)

1 2 4 days to go

1 2 7 days

2009-07-16T19:08:00.001-07:00

one hundred and twenty seven days left till home
i keep telling myself not to count
but i can't help it because that is how much i miss home :(
i miss my family
i miss my best friend
i just wish i could be with them

being so far away is so hard to keep in touch
because we are all busy with our own things
you would be busy with yours and im with mine
but i can't wait for this 127 days to be over because then
we will be reuniting again and go nuts like old times :)

bottom line is
my favorites bitch !
I MISS YOU SO DAMN MUCH !
haven't heard from you
but i hope you are having a great time back home..
if you read this ..
I MISS YOU !
tc